1. Why did you choose your pathway?

I started on diagnostic because I have previously worked in fashion, architecture and studied fine art, so needed some direction between many passions. After seeing Samuel Beckett’s video ‘Not I’ and being very impressed by the powerful emotional impact of the piece, I taught myself how to use Premiere Pro and made my first ever video for my project. I felt really relieved to have an output for my written words and visuals in such a perfect duality, so chose to specialize onto 4D.

2. What do you know now, compared with what you knew and could do before you started the course? Technical skills, methods, materials:

How to use Photoshop and Premiere Pro. How to use, and the potential applications of a green screen. The importance of outcome vs process. How to use I-movie.

3. Compared with what you knew and could do before you started the course? Research:

Simulacra and Simulation. Expanded my ability to pose questions, which is one of the main intentions of my work, and gave my questions depth and direction. If we can simulate ‘real life’ then we have no sense of the relative to what is ‘real’ therefore how can we claim to be? How could you recognize the existence of a copy without its original? Tie Noble and Sue Webster’s shadow work: the way the artists use physical objects to sculpt something natural and intangible; light. Using their hands to manipulate an essence of nature. Their works emphasis on perspective makes me think about the relationship between the beholder and the work itself. I could look at a piece and have it trigger a deep emotional response whilst a seemingly similar person would juts witness the same piece of work for its raw materials. Samuel Beckett’s ‘Not I’: The hypnotic imagery and emphasis on repetition is echoed in my own video work (which I have hardly even touched the surface of yet). My initial thought was that this is a visualisation of the thought process (the fast pace ramblings almost seeming like the pace of dream or a drink/drugs enhanced rant). Then focussing in on the inflections of the words I found that the variation in pace and volume made myself the viewer feel very uneasy and almost anxious. The impact of these strong emotional responseled me to experiment with video making.

4. How will your choice of pathway inform your proposal?

The Diagnostic/ 4D course has taught me interdisciplinary experimental techniques using any methodology to effectively reach an impactful outcome. It has helped me find conceptual directionand my personal making process/ style.  

5. What aspirations will be satisfied through the proposal?

The proposal aims to explore the duality of the physical and inner selves, examining the effects on space as an extension of the self, through abstracting the expectations of space into the non-spatial directionality of the mind.

6. What will you be researching?

Freud and the subconscious mind, to deepen my understanding of the psychological interaction between the artist and the viewer. Alexander Calder’s wire work period, to explore the duality of light and dark and expand my understanding of the way he commands and guide light with three dimensional line. ‘The Toucher’ – 24/7'. To explore how she impacts the shift is the atmosphere of a space by simply entering and leaving a space. Exploring the relationship between the tangible space and the intangible mood shift. Voice in your head research, I find in so interesting a peculiar that some people just don’t have them. Research artists that do the ‘never fully seen effect’, to include an aspect of the unknown and a sense of mystery in my work. relating to the fact that what I'm exploring is not fully understood. Research how to use the shrink wrapping process, I think this could be an interesting way to explore pattern. Research the mind of someone with depersonalisation disorder. All I know about this is that someone with it feels like they are living in a sort of dream state, detached from theirselves. 

7. What problems are you seeking to resolve?

I trying to solve the issue of the unquestioning mind. I am attempting to widen minds to self-exploration. But mainly I just want people to have a deeper understanding that the inside of their mind should never be compared to what another is outwardly projecting onto the world. 

8. What types of practical methods and skills are you seeking to develop, and what technical facilities might you need?

I hope to teach myself new techniquesas ideas come to me and the use of unfamiliar processes are needed to produce the desired outcome. I plan of climbing up the dimensional ladderduring this project; starting at painting, building to sculpture, video and instillation. Building up and out as my understanding and explorations expands. I want to learn the printing and shrink wrapping processes throughout this project because I can imagine this being an interesting effect in the sculpture

world.

9. How will you monitor your own progress during the project? 

Reflection and planning on workflow and in my sketchbook. 

10. Title: ‘Smiling inside out?’

What visual and physical patterns are emerging?

Signature colour scheme emerging: black immersive backgrounds or purple tones with hints of pinks and greens. This is mirrored in the imagery: either dark and sinister or dreamy. There are also similarities in the making process similarities: building up from small studies in 2D, expanding up, through 3D to 4D works.

What common research is running through all projects?

Scientific research ranging between physics, chemistry, biology, psychology, theology and philosophy. Fact shrouded in mystery and longing to expand to further original thought and therefore discovery. I find that my concepts are massively driven by the world external of art and my making and physical processes are inspired by the creatives. Although what does that even mean? How can someone not call a scientist or a philosopher with an original thought ’a creative’?

What abstract ideas are you consistently noting?

The sad repetitive nature of modern day living within ‘the human situation’. Our psychological desire for a creator and need for higher cause/ reason. The exploration of the human mind and the perceived reality it resides in. Building awareness of manipulative powers such as consumerism and extremisms.

Are there any passages or quotations by artists that fascinate you above all others?

Bruce Lee: Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless - like water. Now you put water in a cup, it becomes the cup; You put water into a bottle it becomes the bottle; You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend. I think he’s discussing the fluidity and expressing the durability of the human mind. Basically an expansion on the modern day phrase; ‘go with the flow’. Allan Watts: Well now really when we go back into falling in love. And say, it's crazy. Falling. You see? We don't say "rising into love". There is in it, the idea of the fall. And it goes back, as a matter of fact, to extremely fundamental things. That there is always a curious tie at some point between the fall and the creation. I think this is another example (like Bruce Lee’s) in which the emotional is metaphorically expressed in comparison to something physical and tangible, which is why I find them so beautiful. This is how I express myself also.

I was going to use the title ‘smiling inside and out’ to give a theme which included my initial thought of examining the inside and outwards selves’ coexistence. However I ended up shortening this name to ‘smiling inside out’ - by merging the words I gave the theme an abstract meaning but it also pushes to two ideas together which I like. The inside and the outside together as one being living in harmony with the body.

1. The expressive long swirling brush strokes provide this interesting shift in colours, I was happy to realise they didn’t get in the way of/ disrupt the pattern I was spray painting into place using my stencil. I thought spray painting would be an interesting medium to use as it allowed me to create layers and experiment with something I haven’t really ever used before. I found that it allowed me to give a soft finish to edges which I loved and had always found difficult to achieve when painting. I also loved how the layer below could still show through under the spray painting giving a nice organic continuation; the edges of the initial and secondary patterns were able to blend.

2. The singular, short brush gestures had a similar visual effect to the first experiment in term of variation of colour, but I didn’t like how random the edges felt. There was something visually unsatisfying/ incomplete about this effect to me.

3. The dripping effect was interesting. I thought the downward motion could be an interesting way to give a sense of gravity and weight when painting furniture and objects that exist within my deconstructed foreground. However I don’t like how the heavy water content meant that the paint was rejected by the spray paint’s oil base and gave a watermark kind of effect. I think if I use this effect in a piece I will have to do two layers: a dripping layer, and then after reloading the brush with a less water heavy paint, a second layer reiterating the initial marking, without the watermark effect.

4. I found the block colour quite boring. I experimented with it thinking that the other effects might be overwhelming when paired with this secondary pattern but it just didn’t bring anything interesting to the table and meant that the edge of the pattern was very sudden. So I wont be usuing this effect in this context.

I have a very particular favourite shade of purple. Its a sort of lilac I make from mixing magenta and turquoise. Something interesting happens with the combination of the bright magenta and the undertones of green, to create this subdued yet illuminating hue. I had a sudden realisation that purple, lilac in particular has always been my favourite colour, and the colours i associate with my family home art pink and green, purely due to the art and decor of my family home. My colour is the offspring of those of my family. 

The mind is seen as a very personal closed off thing. Something full of mystery, questions and lack of understanding, so I think it’s really interesting to be relating something of this nature with a room. A space that can be entered and fully explored.

I think the sweeping cloud shapes made with a brush to create the background texture leaves room for abstract interpretation from the viewer. They make me think of how the human mind interprets abstract patterns and texture into something sensical, like in the Hermann Rorschach’s Rorschach test.

When approaching the subject matter of a room and exploring this space as an extension of one’s self, I thought an imaginary space with the presence of familiarity would be the best fit in comparison to the abstract ‘room’ of the mind. I bought In this familiar pattern from my home and harnessed this imagery to create the spray painting stencil. I then used this stencil to hide what I actually considered some of the most beautiful areas of the piece, to create this extending repeated pattern. I had this idea in my head that I wanted all aspects of the first two dimensions to be exaggerated across the canvas (e.g. the print on the chair, the colours on the walls etc) and I wanted all aspects of the 3D imagery to be only expressed through shading/ shadow and light, rather than depicting realistic structure. I saw this as a way of deconstructing the planes of the imagery, and then reconstructing them in an abstract, disjointed way. I associated this new expression of structure as an exploration of the space using the idea of the non-spatial directionality that the spaces of the mind can be considered to have. By breaking down all subject matter’s imagery by planes I actually got this unnatural separation. Usually you would expect the background of the canvas to consist of the background imagery, however through this process the pattern on the chair (which would normally be considered part of the chair, and therefore part of the foreground imagery) is now considered for its two dimensional qualities and is broken down into its pattern, and its light and therefore part of this structure (the chair) becomes part of the background. I’m quite happy with this outcome visually and conceptually and think it’s a good jumping off point for this project. This piece so far is abstracting the planes of reality into contradiction with one another and gives me lots of different options for where to take this next, both on the canvas and bursting out of it.

I am happy with covering up arguably my favourite part of the canvas. Purely because I think that it reflects human nature quite successfully. For evolutionary purposes we have this ‘monkey see, monkey do’ nature. We have this nature built into us because if we saw someone else doing something before us (eating a certain food or following a certain path) we would know this was safe and follow along. But in this modern day and age we still have this nature. A bit like an appendix of the mind, for most of us it’s just useless now, and can even cause us harm. We have such constant exposure to every aspect of life due to modern technology, and still have this pull to copy. To be the same. But if we are all the same no one will ever be special. (Quote from The Incredibles: ‘If everyone’s special, no one is’). We often cut off the most unique and beautiful part of ourselves to make sure we fit into the standard sized box. This makes me think of something I read ages ago about how school produces the best employees. This does not create leaders, original thinkers. It moulds us all into the same subservient shape. This makes me sad, because if the beautiful unique parts of each individual were nurtured and helped grow then we would have better leaders, more inventions, more scientific discoveries. It just seems like such a waste to me. It makes me think of America’s school system. I think that their structure actually works a little like a cult. Repetitive sayings and words drilled into you (Donald Trump’s top 5 most said words: winning, stupid, weak, loser(s), Fake news)  his words are very strong, very emotive. They either big up himself (his most said word: winning) and his country or push down everyone else and make them seems below him in some sense. https://www.yourdictionary.com/slideshow/donald-trump-20-most-frequently-used-words.html. The reason I am anti the American education system is that I think it’s uneducational on purpose to make the adults and decision makers of the country more susceptible to persuasion. 19% of high school graduates are unable to read. A shocking statistic. This lack of education goes against this so called ‘free’ country. How can someone make a free and informed decision without being educated enough to understand consequences. This structure leads to indeviduals who can not ‘read nor write, nor think of themselves in a critical manner’. Due to federal funding, and therefore control over curriculum, American children are starting relatively high on international PISA testing, but as their age increases that is a directly negative correlation. The older they get, the more relatively stupid they become. I cant help but think there is a manipulation taking place to enhance subservience. 'Because of this fact that information is power, the last thing the elite wants is an informed, empowered public mobilizing any grassroots movement to oppose government tyranny.' https://www.globalresearch.ca/the-dumbing-down-of-america-by design/5395928?fbclid=IwAR3HfFxmEtCwBNEdxFLhxVUkRXdLdVZDD6ZXyUyGTX9xFlf1WQPap0-lOoY

I think the idea of the canvas itself containing layers of paint gives a conceptual depth alongside this physical depth. It follows through with the thought that one never fully shows and exposes the full raw self. There is often an aspect of secretivity either on purpose or subconsciously. I like this idea of never getting the full image when observing the piece and will carry this on in later work.

I used a large scale canvas (100cm x 120cm) because I felt like a large scale was needed for impact purposes, and because mentally I felt I needed to space to be exploring the 'room'. 

I find that my concepts are massively driven by the world external of art and my making and physical processes are inspired by the creatives. Although what does that even mean? How can someone not call a scientist or a philosopher with an original thought ’a creative’?

Foreground imagery:

UNSUCCESSFUL: I wanted all suggestions of the 3^rddimension to only be expressed through only light and shadow. With the chair’s pattern extending and interacting with the rest of the two dimensional imagery (I grouped the layers of the canvas by planal axis rather than structurally), I just used the idea of shadow to suggest its presence. I think this was not a successful way of expressing the imagery. What if I start playing around with the third dimension? I could use real furniture but echo the back ground imagery onto it. I could paint it by hand to blend it into the background (look up artist who paints live models into her pieces) but I think a more interesting way of expressing this would be to print the original painting onto a plastic material and shrink wrap it. The chair’s suggested pattern extending past the physical limitations of the chair. Planely abstracting the chair into its 2D and 3D qualities.

When it came to the person I thought breaking the human structure into a linear presence would break it down into just its raw structure. eliminating race, sexual orientation, social and economic status etc. I like the contradictory shadow, emphasising the sense of impossibility within the piece. However, again, if I choose to include the person itself further, I want to play around with something three dimensional. If a piece like this was to be suspended Maybe I could express 3D line using wire. Could the next piece have a wire figure, maybe one that goes in and out of the piece. Exists both within the canvas’s reality but also out of phase with it, protruding out the back? From the ceiling and allowed to slowly shift/ spin it would be interesting because you would only be able to see the front or the back or side view, but never the full imagery as one instance. What does this say about how we conduct ourselves. Showing our different angles we feel would please those around us, but never showing our true wholeness. I could paint the canvas to have a light and dark side, echoing the hidden, darker parts of the self. 

Extending past the third dimension all together and jumping to 4D I could give a sense of depth by projecting an individual walking ‘into’ the canvas with a plain room scene painted. Do I need a person? Is examining and distorting the space enough? If I’m examining internal structure why do I necessarily need to show the external human casing? Experiment with these ideas and see what I think feel most effective, process wise but also with and without the humanoid suggestions. What if I had multiple models exploring the space? Would that feel intrusive? I could video people  naked and exposed walking away from the camera ‘into’ the ‘room’. Standing naked, exploring hesitantly, pausing in a hesitant uncomfortability. Would this feel like a violation? If the space is representative of the mind, this wou dbe the emotional equivalent of opening yourself up to people, allowing exploration. But now the mind has been entered, it is occupied by the unfamiliar. There’s something beautiful yet fear triggering about this. A change/ new presence makes the room/ space have an energy shift.

I stand naked in my home.

You do not.

Put your clothes on.

No. Stop. No more entering with any substance.

Your clothes may not enter me.

Remove yourself from my mind.

My mind is violated.

Please leave me in the harmony of my familiar chaos.

Can’t you hear the songs of my solitude,

Singing to me in silence?

I think wire is an appropriate medium to play with. Its rawness, never bale to portray anything accurately human and its ability to cast abstract shadows, playing with the symbiotic of light and dark. I think it echoes the duality of the self.

I wanted to stretch a material over the wire to give a skin-like feel. I love the abstract shapes cast in the shadows, the solid and undefined layered areas, however I feel like this goes against my message a bit. Its not longer just the raw structure. This piece now gives ideas of skin colour/ shape and other external imagery that I want to eliminate, focussing on internal attributes. I prefer the idea of the raw distorted structure. (like I achieved from the wimple wire)

UNSUCCESSFUL: After this piece I know for sure that I want to move away from painting. For some reason I just can't find successful expression with a brush.

I like how the model In this painting is leaning against the side of the canvas even thought she exists within its reality therefore is unaware of its limitations (as a 2D being unaware of its 3D surroundings). The wire was unsuccessful, it didn't supply the abstract dynamic shapes I had envisioned in my mind. I needed a powerful torch to cast strong shadows and the strong light meant that the painted imagery was too clear and visible. 

UNSUCCESSFUL: The pieces had some interesting features but their all round emotional impact is weak. I love the faint mottled textures on the front of the canvas that I achieved by spray painting them black from the back and allowing the ink to slightly seep through. It makes me think of one being aware of the darknesses existence. It drips onto our exposed sides with imperfection and glimpses through the pearly white facade of our lying smiles. I used the same wire as I guided the figures from (using the line drawings I made as linear maps). It is our very souls might just be the thing that connect us. What does this say about how we conduct ourselves? Showing our different angles we feel would please those around us, but never showing our true wholeness. The canvas's light and dark sides, echoing the hidden, darker parts of the self. 

I love the fragility of these pieces. They are so malleable, any impact/ force moulds them upon impact. What does this say about us? How we are moulded and contorted, distorted by every one of life's impacts, our 'self' changing and shifting when exposed the different stimuli. 

I'm happy with this new technique of spraying the back of the canvas to create this unpredictable imperfection, and I like the contorted imagery of the people. I think my favourite aspect of this piece is the idea of the pieces never seeing the completely image of one another. I think after exploring my other initial ideas that were born from my purple painting, I will definitely come back to these successful aspect of the pieces. 

UNSUCCESSFUL: I don’t think this imagery is interesting or achieves what I am hoping to. I don’t think having the person is actually necessary and think I actually want to remove it as a whole and focus on more abstract structures, examining how I can confine and manipulate them. Exploring the messages this imagery would convey. I explored my secondary idea (spawned from the purple painting): Shrink wrap a chair. I loved videoing the process of the shrink wrapping and actually found that the imagery on the material lost significance. It was no longer about the planes or patterns. I thought this idea of suffocation was interesting. It makes me think about personal limits. Mind over matter. How much control can our mental selves draw over the physical before we reach our maximum point of determination. What does this idea of restriction say about our bodies. Do we ever feel mentally confined by physical restrictions? Yes. Definitely. Victoria’s secret 'beach body' campaign is a good example of how a tiny minority or underweight, long legged supermodels make us feel inferior or even physically trapped by our own uniquely beautiful forms because they might not conform to this one standard of beauty. This can lead to eating disorders caused by different forms of psychological disorders, such as body dysmorphia. Body dysmorphia is a condition where the person suffering spend a huge amount of time obsessing over flaws that to those around them would probably go unnoticed. They obsess to the point where these flaws are exaggerated out of their physical/ actual proportions and into these imaginary issues. The mind loses its harmony with the body and takes over. 

I think that the part of this process that I found most effect was the process itself. The pattern has become a negligible factor and I actually want to look more into this idea of compression and confinement. Considering the current state of the world I think having an anchor point for such a board project (exploring the relationship between the physical and abstract selves) would be ideal for the project and relevant to today’s problems. Everyone in limited in some way. Either by being restricted from their usual daily routines, to the more extreme situation of being physically trapped. Locked in. Not allowed out of your house for fear of punishment. I think the idea confinement is actually the perfect focal point. I had this idea to conduct interviews with people and ask them about times they have felt trapped using this questionnaire: 

‘Please could you describe a particular experience that has made you feel trapped. Either physically (for example claustrophobia) or emotionally (for example in a relationship with a partner or family member or mental blocks that you find restricting). 

How did it make you feel? 

What was your inner dialogue saying? 

Did you feel any physical sensations? (A knotted stomach, goosebumps, racing heart, sweat, tears etc) 

How do you calm yourself down when you feel like this? 

(Please use as many descriptive words as possible, lots of adjectives pls)’ 

(I'm going to give my friend some time to respond/ reply in their own time, so in the mean time I'm going to carry on exploring the physical shrink wrapping process) 

I love how shrink wrapping the miniature furniture went around the physical issues and limitations of large scale work, especially in the current conditions where I don't have the space to be making large scale work. This illusion made me think of the importance of scale and perspective. I think the seemingly (relatively) 'large' scale of the furniture makes this video appear more impactful. It making me think of power. The natural process of the heat shrinking the plastic appears strong enough to counteract the weight of the objects in quite an unnatural disjointed way. I like how this illusions plays on the mind of the viewer, transforming seemingly simple imagery into a surprisingly abstracted outcome. 

Could I project the video onto a room full of something structurally weak, who’s space would be effected by the shrink wrapping process? I need to do mini experiments with bundled tape, string, LED wire and metal wire. The wire had the most effective process. Is it conceptually the right material to be using? What would the use of these linear metallic structures make me or an unknowing observer thing of? Connectivity? Linking? Power? Fragility? Malleability? (Heat or electrical) conductivity? I think the main themes that are important to my work here, is connectivity, malleability and the electrical conductivity. I love thinking about SPIRALALA because of it’s nature of using a mechanical system for means of transformation. A tiny sound, transformed into organic echoes, movement and light. To me this piece closes the back between structural science and the abstract idea of the soul. It work physically resonating within the space, and metaphorically resonating within the mind. The idea of electrical conductivity and connectivity have made me think of how human connection made by any form of communication (smell, touch, sight, sound) is understood/ translated by the electrical signals within our brains.

Re-looking at the original wire structure I have noticed quite a strong resemblance to the electrical signals in a brain. Almost like a map of the biological mind. I am so so happy with this parallel. I was thinking at the start of this project that visually representing the mind would be a huge challenge, but trusted my research and experimental processes to get me there. This imagery feels like a physical representation of the biological processes happening within the mind, whilst the video working in tandem expresses the abstract, emotional side. The idea of restriction was just a focal point to help anchor the main concept: the duality of the physical (biological) self and the abstract (psychological) self. The theory behind the process was strong however the reality and amazing unpredictability of the process actually working against me here, ill write my analysis of each material below...

Room scene:

I like to use a black backdrop, I find it more visually satisfying, like an immersive void. However the dark chairs meant I couldn't adjust my lighting to black out the backdrop, which meant that this unwanted texture showed through. So I switched to a white infinity backdrop (using paper - I was a little scared of it catching on fire so kept water near by). The scene slipped around under the force of the air. To fix this I tried adjusting the angle of the hairdryer about couldn’t apply heat to all the right angles, so ended up anchoring down the bottom of the plastic.  The hole in the plastic I was pointing the camera into actually channeled the air, causing the whole thing to occasionally expand and blow up instead of compressing it into itself. The shadows from the hair drying (my heat source) disrupted the imagery as I accidently put in in front of my light source. A similar thing happened when I accidentally put the hairdryer in the corner of the shot, causing the subject matter to go out of focus. After watching each video back I made adjustments for the next until I got when I considered a successful outcome.

I love how the successful table scene video feels like the scene morphs into this disjointed abstract structure with these organic, almost animalistic movements. I love how the furniture is thrown off its axis and spun during the compression process. My favorite part of the video is actually the accidental end: where this new structure flies out of shot. It feels like it has become an alive creature that we have witnessed the birth of that’s now running out of the studio space.

Wire:

The theory behind the wire option was strong. I found out that the wire actually didn’t compress as well as I thought and weirdly I noticed that my favorite part was my studio light’s reflection on the plastic. I took an observational video of the wire and plastic shrink wrapped structure reflecting the light. It feels like the light is moving like a stream down the object. Because The first wire I tried (the thicker gold wire) didn’t compress and change shape as predicted, I tried with a thinner, more malleable wire to see if that might be more effective.  This one didn’t weigh enough to stay put, and I couldn’t anchor down the closed system, so it was just flying around everywhere. I couldn’t control it enough to do anything with it. 

Fluffy Yarn:

I think this one’s interesting because the material itself looks like a brain, with the layers bundled up and intertwining with one another. However it wouldn’t work on a larger scale which is a shame, because the structure is too flat and cannot gain enough volume to become substantial enough for the impact im after. However I did love how it felt like it was picking itself up and becoming this creature. It’s transition from flat to 3D was a really interesting movement.  

I think there might be, not necessarily a shift in intention of my project, but a narrowing down of intention. I think that what I am really examining continues to think about distorted spaces, examining spaces as an extension of the self. However I have broadened these spaces to be less personal (taking away the figures and personal patterns created) making the work more approachable mentally to alternative viewers. I also still have this idea of distortion being in line with giving physical spaces the non- spatial directionality the spaces of the mind could be seen to have, however I think the dialogue open in those spaces now addresses the duality of the inside and outside selves as the physical/ biological and the psyche. (Which was the original intention, but I went off on a mental tangent a little bit and started examining our personal projection of who we are and who we are inside our own minds. But I want to draw more of a parallel between the physical and inner selves).  

I love the way the heat causes this organic unpredictable movement. Almost like a new creature finding its legs and exploring the world for the first time. But I think my favourite part of this experiment was the interaction between the light and the plastic. As the plastic is shrunk and distorted it gains these wrinkles and natural patterns in it. Little imperfections in the material that allow for beautiful unique outcomes. Are the video betters with a singular or multiple colours? I like the way the colours move and play with each other but I can’t help but wonder if there is a different way for the light and compressing plastic to interact… like projecting a moving image onto it.

It’s funny because when I was admiring a still from the video process of shrink wrapping I realised that the most interesting part was the interaction between the light and the plastic. The third medium I've been experimenting is actually the least important factor, maybe this is why I wasn't 100% happy with any of them. The way the light caught, rippled and sort of echoed through it was such a beautiful interaction. I also like that the fact that this process displays the material rather then trying to act like it doesn’t exist, and trying to hide it. Every material and movement should have something to say and none of it should be hidden. I felt like I was cheating a little, like using transparent fishing wire as a suspension technique. We know you’re art isn’t anti gravity, why not embrace it and use this feature to tell a story? 

So while I have lots to admire when it comes to the video outcomes and visuals of these experiments, maybe I was closer to the suitable answer with the crumpled paper. But instead of paper which slowly expands, I could use the actual shrink wrapping material bundled up just by themselves, and point heaters at them to give a retreat. 

Making side note: the slightly thicker plastic works better, it doesn’t get holes and the process is slower which is more visually satisfying. 

I wanted the frame to be set on a wall with wall paper and found this image of the room that lead me to go down the vintage route, with an audio that sounds like a radio of the time that matches the imagery. Analysing this video with a mind not informed of the previous steps of the project, I think of hidden sexual desires. A world one step away from ours where your dreams, hopes and desires roam free. They are trying to push the barriers across to the real world and make their fantasy into reality. I think another thing that lead me down the vintage road was that we are now freer then ever before. With it becoming socially acceptable to post photos next-to-naked openly on the internet. A person like this even in our parents generation would have been looked at poorly and was more judged, therefore less able to self expressed. From this video I get this unspoken story line of a house wife trapped in this home and in this life, with this other version of herself hiding in the walls trying to physically push herself out. This is why I shot the video with the frame in a flexible blue screen rather then just placing a clip of  frame over a clip of the background imagery. I edited the footage to keep the shadows on the blue so that it would appear the fabric of reality is stretching and being forced out of its resting state as she pushes it out with her lips. It’s the passion inside her that she keeps subdued so she can remain outwardly docile. 

The painting itself shifts as the weight of the model effects it’s position. Like the space is fluid, exchangeable. It plays with the mind in an interesting way to see a static piece of art on the wall’s boundaries. I enjoyed making this video and think considering how seemingly random it is, it is stringing on topic. It also goes back to my original intension of comparing the mind (something private and closed off) to something like a room (that can be openly explored) visually. While I have generally away from this thread I think this was a fun expression of the, but don't think the imagery is of a standard I'm happy with, so want so explore other video avenues that supply the light for the light/ plastic interaction. 

This is my sketchbook so far in the project, but i am going to change up my process and make my workflow a sort of online sketchbook. Most of my ideas are conceptually based rather than visually, so at this point I’m finding it easier to use workflow as an online sketchbook. Exploring my ideas with words and letting the visuals naturally follow and develop as I make them. I feel like this turning point has come now because my work is moving heavily towards being made/ developed by organic processes leading to randomised outcomes and computer edited/ made outcomes. I don’t have much control in terms of a visual plan for each shoot. I just do it and see what forms naturally at the editing stage. I also don’t have a printer so can’t print off and reflect the digitally made/ organic outcomes. (This is also why there are some blanks in the sketchbook where photos would normally be printed)

My favourite of the videos is the one where the lag extends out of the plastic. There is this trembling tension in between the stretches. It’s awkward/ unsure/ hesitant movements. It feels like a person emerging from chaos and attempting to creep into the world. The area the person is emerging from is small and makes the viewer image them to be circled up, naked and vulnerable. Like they are emerging from a womb. There is a delicacy in the pointed toe that makes me think of ballet. This then makes my mind associate the imagery with control. Ballet dancers have strong determined minds and definitely have a ‘mind over matter’ mindset. They push their bodies to the absolute extreme through sheer determination and strength of mind. I think this is quite a beautiful accidental connotation, so edited this small clip in a little video outcome of its own:)

I have realised that what attracts me to use Benedikt Frey’s music in my videos is that he simulated the tones of a waterphone on my computer, and that shifting, sliding sound is the part of the song I focus in on. So I thought for this one I’d find a waterphone sample to put in the back. This instrument is often used in horror movies so has some connotations of fear. I think this is a good effect for the video because I want that feeling of timidness. The fear of exploration outside of the person bubble. 

Because it was a repeating video I spun it around to give it a more impactful visual. This was challenging because obviously the top edge is a sharp line, which looks really bad as it twists. It wants the edge to be a circle not a rectangle, so rather then using a spinning effect I had to add motion vectors at the start and end of each clip. By doing so it gain this more chaotic, organic movement which I think really adds to the creepy tone of the video. 

I find myself always going back to the black back drop. I realised today another reason for this (other then inspiration from Samuel Beckett’s ‘Not I’ and the idea of the void) might be that I like the idea of maintaining the screen. Video work will always rely on a surface to shine out of or be shone on. I like how the black takes the screen back to its resting state. I’m just adding detail to its darkness, not covering it. 

At first thought I didn’t think the material worked in unison wth the body effectively. But as I continue to experiment I can see that that doesn’t really matter. Because the material actually helps to hide/ submerge the expected body shape, contorting its structure into raw form. I think its a visually interesting effect/ technique for body disassociation. 

I plan to project onto shrinking/ expanding textures, thinking about how this moving, shifting, expanding image echoes the message of the piece and make me think about confinement. It distorts the reality of the video into a new meaning and is almost anxiety triggering. When you watch the piece your mind naturally looks for order within chaos, it tried to piece together the projected image to make sense of it and produce a narrative. However when the crinkled up shrink wrap (the distorting factor) is moving, it puts the mind into a place of unease. Does the viewer start to see confined and twitchy when watching it? Do they physically squirm because their mind starts to feel trapped and this is expressed in a physical manifestation? I'm going to show the previous shrink wrapping video to people who suffer from claustrophobia and  as ask how it feels. I could record this interview and edit it to pick out the emotive parts and use this as footage to project. 

Intentions: to open up a dialogue between the physical and psychological selves, exploring their harmony and disconnections. 

I mentioned these questions that I asked my friends a while ago, now I've gathered some responses I can put them all together and pick out the emotionally expressive parts that aren't specific to any particular situation.So here's a reminder of those questions: 

‘Please could you describe a particular experience that has made you feel trapped. Either physically (for example claustrophobia) or emotionally (for example in a relationship with a partner or family member or mental blocks that you find restricting). 

How did it make you feel? 

What was your inner dialogue saying? 

Did you feel any physical sensations? (A knotted stomach, goosebumps, racing heart, sweat, tears etc) 

How do you calm yourself down when you feel like this? 

(Please use as many descriptive words as possible, lots of adjectives pls)’ 

Stories:

Izzy:

Ok so I feel trapped or restricted by my anxiety which is often associated with academics or performance/ perfectionism. Restricts me to the point where I cannot think or process thoughts so I lose all concentration and focus altogether. Essentially often feel like I’m stuck in mud. Inner dialogue - you are not good enough, failure, waste of space/life. Restricts me from achieving my full potential. I get headaches, internal tremor which is like a non visible vibration inside ur chest, tight chest/ throat, blurred vision, sometimes panic attacks but not often. Essentially I am trapped in my own mind and often it is easy to be swirled round in a cycle of thoughts and find it difficult to come up for air / get myself out of it. It’s like one of those situations where you can see the finish line and know what you need to do but everything is so far away and your legs are trying to move but they won’t. 

Lizzy:

I was on a boat when I was around 14 and we had gone into a storm. I had a separate room from my brothers and sisters so I was alone. Although the room was big and comfortable that night I felt trapped in there. No one could come in or out because it was too dangerous as the boat was on its side. If you opened the door it was very likely that your hand or body would get trapped too. All I could do was hold onto the railing next to my bed. If I let go I would of flown across the room and probably broken my back on the bookshelf on the wall beside me. My dad came to check on me once in the night just to look at me. His raincoat was soaking and the boat still swaying aggressively mean the door was hard to hold open and he was struggling to stand upright and still. He couldn’t check again after that. It was too dangerous. My thought that I was going to die. That we all were. I had no idea of my brother and sister were ok because I couldn’t go and see them. I felt trapped in the physical sense but also I felt trapped in my mind because I had no idea when the storm would end. If we would die and if we did I’d die in a room alone. I felt at that moment that I couldn’t give anyone love. Even though they were around me I couldn’t tell them how much I loved them. This made me feel tremendous pain. I had my I pod at least . The only thing that kept me calm and protect me from the physical and mental constant state I was in of fear and trapped in my own mind. The music made me feel peaceful, soothing,  sane and distracted. I had one song on repeat: dancing in the moonlight. It kept me hopeful of the situation even though I was terrified. 

Scarlett:

Every time I go on an aeroplane, and in the days leading up to it, I have a feeling of dread begin to grow in the pit of my stomach, frequently culminating in panic attacks once I’m on the plane. Most recently I was flying home from University, and was sitting on the plane before it took off, with a part of my brain telling me to get off the flight so that I would not be stuck in a flying metal box for 7 hours. I remember being in my seat, whilst the air hostesses were going through the usual safety announcements, shaking and silently sobbing, with tears streaming down my face. I had a pit in my throat which made me feel almost sick, and this feeling of sheer terror and upset does not usually go away until I am off the land it is a feeling which does not fully go away until I am off the plane, and my feet are touching solid ground. On this flight, as with many others, the feelings went away once we took off, but suddenly resurged once we hit a patch of turbulence, and once again my fear of being stuck on the flight began to take over my thoughts. Yet again I sat in my seat and cried silently, practising techniques which I have picked up over the years which supposedly help with this sort of feeling, and played loud music to myself to try and block out my own thoughts. The  music began to take over, and although the tears didn’t really stop, nor the clammy hands, I began listen to the part of my thoughts which were telling me that it would be ok, and that I was not trapped. Rather, I was safe and everything was going to be ok. Eventually, as always, the flight was over and I was out of the flying contraption and immediately had a sigh of relief as I knew that I was not going to have to fly for a while, and although every time I’m in the air feeling panicky I tell myself I will never fly again, I am rational once landed and know that I will be flying again soon. 

Ned: (typed up from a scribed conversation) 

So I was hit by a car and run over by a van. I broke a shit tonne of bones so I actually couldn't move for the majority of two weeks. Every itch and scratch just couldn't be attended to and I couldn't drink when I was thirsty. I couldn't do anything. Thats when I felt the most trapped, thats when I felt most vulnerable. Especially when an old creepy man with dementia in the bed next to you thinks your bed is the bathroom and keeps trying to piss on you and you can't escape your bed. (how did it make you feel?) Vulnerable. Lonely. Anxious. Angry. I know I'm listing all the bad ones but thats how it feels. I went into panic mode. From 1 to 100 and the only thing in my brain was the image of the buzzer on my bed. But I couldn't move my arms, I couldn't even call for help and press it. He's an old man that can't do anything realistically but it actually petrified me because I was so vulnerable. Because of my limp/ my arm I still can't run. I can't protect myself. I am vulnerable, I've never felt vulnerable walking around alone at night before. Now I feel like I know now what it feels like to be a female walking alone at night. 

Bella: (scribed from her answers given live on camera) 

I don't even know if my answers are actually like valid, I don't even know what I'm saying. I made me feel like shit because I was trapped in something where I didn't want to be trapped but... and I wasn't ever really needed to be trapped... but I physically was and mentally was because I wanted something that I could never ever have and still don't have, nor will ever have. Umm... my inner dialogue (laughter) my inner dialogue was saying um probably like how could you treat me like this? How could you make me feel this way... when you're supposed to be the one that loves me the most, but also saying to myself what the fuck why are you lowering yourself to this shit like just get out. Why are you here? You don't need to be here?

Interviews:

From the stories I selected lines that were non-situationally specific that contained emotive language and spoke about  emotional and physical sensation (to hopefully blur the lines between the two). I filmed and edited this video to display the person in the same style as the ‘More Then Words’ music video. I always find myself going back and watching this, not because I particularly like the song, but because it just feels so raw and vulnerable. Like an open book the viewer is being allowed to read. I wanted this sense of vulnerability in this piece. I also found when I was working on my extension project that the black surrounding gives a very immersive effect. Also keeping in mind this video will be a projection of some kind (to combine the intangible light with the solid physical sculpture world), the black rather then white backdrop will give the projection less of a rectangular form, the less defined edges will help the viewer focus in on the imagery. I actually didn’t have much choice in the lighting as one of my two home studio lights broke (because they are cheap and not very good) but I liked how only half of the face was visible the majority of the time. It gave a sense of mystery, following forward with the idea we all have secrets, baggage, hidden past traumers that live in the shadows of our everyday lives. Our bodies continue in perfect function while our minds could be adrift.

I realised after screenshotting some of my favourite moments for the collection of 'stills', that a lot of my favourite moments actually contain the model gently touching her face. There's something vulnerable about the soft touch to the face. Like she is feeling naked, exposed and is tying to cover herself physically when really she is feeling emotionally shy. 

The video expresses the abstract, emotional side through descriptive non-situationally specific sentences, strung together/ reordered into a disjointed narrative.  The idea of restriction was just a focal point to help anchor the main concept: the duality of the physical (biological) self and the abstract (psychological) self. With this in mind, I was thinking about adding some sounds/ music to the video that echoes the tone of the piece and makes the viewer feel more mentally immersed in it. I found a device that transforms one of our forms of connection, intimacy and communication: touch, into another: sound. It does this using electrical circuitry that communicated with my computer to create abstract sounds. As humans, we are natural conductors. The device allows two people to produce sounds by holding each end of the device, and touching each other, completing the circuit. Could I have two people (pre-curled up in the foetal position) naked, being shrink wrapped. This would be its own video outcome and produce very interesting visuals, it would also sound waves from the tactile process of compression (the content being discussed in the video). (Look into the emotional importance of tactility). As the models become uncomfortable they will make small shifts (creating sound) and as the material touches their naked skin (has to be naked to conduct electricity) the sounds will increase with the process. I could record this with 2 people in separate bubbles and sharing the same bubble. The sounds produces when they are forced together. Which imagery is more effective? Why? Which one has the best audio to include in the final piece?

I noticed while editing the video that when the model is pausing speaking, not only does she have these raw movements that have something almost awkward about them, in the best way, but also there is this background hum. So I edited the video to have little pauses in between clips because I think it can be quite eerie when this background hum (that we hear in our daily lives and don't pay much attention to) disappears. Its like we felt like we were hearing quite before, but when the screen goes blank and the hum going I feel like shocking stillness that feels quite haunting. 

Because of the way the sentences are strung together is doesn’t feel like a nonsensical piece even though it is, it feels like the viewer only has a fragment of the full picture. Splicing together notions of fear,  isolating clear individual sentences within a jumble of mess in the mind. I found myself wanting to call this piece ‘talking to myself’ because of the disjointedness of the narrative, like it had been pulling from the mind one thought at a time without clear direction. This made me think, I have accidentally drawn this from Samuel Beckett’s play: ‘Not I’ but with the style of the ‘We’re not really strangers’ video. The interview format but the idea of verbalising the thought process like the incessant ramblings of the woman’s mouth surrounded by darkness. 

Upsettingly I just remembered from my earlier experiments looking into the plastic/ body interaction that this process of creating sound won't be possible in this way. The shrink wrap becomes to hot and can burn the skin before it starts to shrink. I don't think I'd be happy making this layer without the shrink wrapping process involved because the process itself and its themes of confinement and entrapment are important anchor points in my work, so am going to explore other ideas. 

Ethereal shoot analysis:

At this point in the project I was feeling a little overwhelmed by my work and the current situation in London and needed a visual brainstorm to reboot my creativity and motivation. I thought while thinking about what kind of video outcome I wanted at this point, I’d go right back to the roots of my project: exploring the relationship between the physical and abstract selves, and explore this with a camera. So here is a visual exploration of the separation of the inner self. An expression of a submissive relationship between a person and the personification of abstract nouns. An exchange between the tangible and intangible. I dressed the model in clothes and body make up that show the body, but through a filter of lace and glitter. She is empowered and expressive, exuding lust and strength, but she is also exposed and vulnerable. Her true skin peeks through the facade. I wanted to bring in the idea of the coexistence of light and dark. I use an iridescent white shimmer all over the model's body and a transitional texture on the lower half to bring together the white with the black void like background. I think the photos express the right message as they bring forward the raw humanity in a powerful yet vulnerable static expression. However I thought could I try and capture the hidden self, the inner self, peeking through in duality with the body. I thought using long exposure techniques could achieve this. In a few shots the body looses its natural humanoid shape and feels distorted into a disjointed alien-like figure. To me these images feel secretive. It’s funny when so much of the body is exposed to still feel such a strong tone of misdirection and lack of understanding and I think this visual really echoes this. I love this idea of visualising the intangible. I wrote some words about a submissive interaction (following forward with the idea of entrapment) between a physical being and the personification of abstract nouns. I love this relationship between the tangible and the intangible and think it is perfectly on theme for my project. Inspiration for the words came from the Bruce Lee and Alan Watts quotes. I am going to experiment with this as an audio along side the video outcomes from this shoot:

Reach out your prejudice and pluck my eyelashes.

Dip them in the puddle of vulnerability pooling by my toes.

Ignore the child like splashes of freedom and taste all I have to offer.

The saltiness of pain piercing your preconceptions.

Tasting me with the flick of your bias, I can see a flutter of energy coursing through your promises.

Do I please you?

My hairs stand on end when your compromise brushes past my skin,

falling gently into my centre.

Your justice gently discerning my knee,

corruption, the other.

I feel your self splitting, pulling me apart.

I am open.

But you can not be broken by the confines of reason.

I feel your limitlessness reach into me and pull the voice from my throat.

I melt into a pool of sweetness upon your influence.

Do I please you?

Reach out your tensed adoration and feel the pitter patter of my tears dripping into your happiness.

Drink their calm and feel them coursing through your stupidity. Replenish the rhythm of your hope, guiding its tune through my ribs.

Stretching my marrow into the open chasm that is ur memory.

I feel you belch me out and pick me from your truth.

My tongue never lies still.

It awaits it’s trembling orders.

Do I please you?

I feel your authority burrowing into my nails,

You traverse the gentle whispering of bitterness inside my skin.

Untethered by the tip toe of curiosity across these delicious floor boards.

But why do they creek?

I gasp for breath but instead inhale the scratching of your satisfaction.

I have pleased you.

After making this video outcome and finishing editing the interview piece, I can decide which I think is better at interacting with the space and the kinetic sculptural pieces I experimented with. I love that this process of projection brings my video into the real world by interacting the intangible light with the physical/ tangible sculpture. 

I am a little upset about one aspect of this piece that I can do nothing about. It is art, it is a form of expression of so many hidden feelings. Its essence goes so much deeper then the skin. However because of my use of a female body, I am not permitted to post this on my art account on Instagram, which is how I share my art with the world. It is not the skin, it is not the curves or the movements, it is not even the level of nudity or exposure. It is simply the female nipple. What is so disturbing about the female nipple that means this can not be seen? Should my movements be limited to hide part of my ‘self’ in the shadows to not offend others? Who is being offended by my nipples? Everyone has them, man woman and child the same. I just can’t help but think how this would be a different situation if I had used a male model in the exact same costume and body make up which I do not have access to in quarantine. I only have myself and a friend of mine and she was too shy to go in front of the camera nude so I had to direct her through the photography/ videography while modelling myself. It saddens me that my art is considered inappropriate over something as small and common as a nipple. 

However the feeling that my work is accepted within the art community makes me a lot happier. I posted ‘appropriate’ stills and photos from the shoot with the caption ‘I can’t share the video outcome from this shoot on Instagram because the female nipple is a terrifying phenomenon and I wouldn’t want to expose your precious eyes to such offensive content ———— Art nerds if you wanna see it drop me a dm and I’ll happily send it over. Perverts not welcome to the same privileges xx’ and found that sharing art one on one allowed space for personal feedback which was a an unexpected advantage.

Feedback I received:

'There's something repeatedly really interesting about your work I've never seen anything like it and all your videos seem like they belong to the same like they all belong to the same universe. I feel like I'm being spoken to in all your videos by an entity that usually can't talk. It would be amazing to see your work exhibited in one large space because it all links really nicely.'

'I really loved it and the breathing was super impactful it was like sexual but also made me anxious like she couldn't breath. And some of the imagery really stuck like burrowing under fingernails. It was very earthy but super powerful like it was being said by something that exceeds normal life' 

'Something about it felt very raw and human even thought it also felt so removed from that' 

'The words are very hard hitting' 

My thoughts after this feedback:

These people made me happy not just because of Its positivity but also because I was so glad the idea of the abstract self existing in this distorted reality was understood and conveyed. I also was happy it had an emotional effect that made the viewer feel 'anxious' because I like my work to be emotionally triggering to draw in the viewers attention and glue them to the screen. Like Samuel Beckett's play, 'Not I', which is the piece that first inspired me to want to specialise in the 4D course. 

What makes these long exposure photos the most conceptually effective is the silently loud movements. The inner self bursting forward through the skin, guiding it like a puppet. Eyelids shut in self reflection, expression from within, blocking out the external visual stimuli. There are no distractions from the instinctive movements. The body and the mind are at one. I feel as if the model appears as a structure of beauty not to be sexualised but just to be seen. Almost looking like the echo of a footprint. Like all the past moments placed together. You as seen from all perspectives sliced together. The lack of humanoid shape and removing the physical extends to the idea of the within becoming with-out. 

The spreading of the metaphorical wings makes me think of freedom and expression. The echoes themselves almost look like a rib cage. This anatomic sense and humanoid feature couples with their nonsensicality and actual lack of existance ties together the two selves: the abstract and physical. 

This is probably my favourite photograph. I love how this headshot completely lacks any recognisable face. I love its ambiguity and lack on identity, it achieves the unexpected. Like all the past moments or sliced echoes of the self placed together. You as seen from all perspectives sliced together. I love the lack of humanoid shape and this removal of the physical barriers extends to the idea of the within becoming (with)out. 

There is something special about this image. Its not just the movement, feeling as if the two dimensional image of the three dimensional structure is pushing itself into a visual representation of the forth dimension (time). But it also touches upon the other senses to me. When I see this I see the body as an instrument exuding tones of musical beauty and power. The strength in the neck, the way its arched back, open and exposed gives the strength a vulnerability. 

This photo outcome is the most obviously effective one. It displaces the inside self out of the confines of the solidly placed body. There’s something about the eye contact with the camera from the ghost like translucent figure that feels so piercing to the viewer. 

My plans as stated in section two of my PPP have had a shift, while I am continuing on working towards exploring the relationship between the physical and abstract selves, through experimentation and idea development I have found that the road I was leading down was not one that lead to desirable outcomes. So I have narrowed the intentions of my work to have a singular goal: exploring the relationship between the biological and psychological. 

What footage is most effective to be part of a larger instillation that uses an intangible aspect of the video: light, to interact with the real physical world of sculpture. 

Interview vs ethereal shoot:

On the one hand, I think the most effective photographs are the ones that have the echo of the inner self expressed using double exposure. The video outcome, while a beautiful piece of art in its own right, is a little off topic from my Part 3 intentions. I don’t think the imagery expresses this duality of the self, as much as it does show the strong exterior coupled with the hidden vulnerability. I don’t think an external viewer would be able to correctly interpret this work and link it back to its original meaning. The interview however allowed me to blur the lines between the metaphorical and literal, and therefore between the physical and abstract, by creating my own narrative. I think this piece is a more effective example of the relationship between these aspects of the self.

Possible projection ideas to experiment with: 

Using heavy plastic in the shoot. Its weighted/ hard to escape from so feels physically trapping. I could photograph a model under it with my studio light reflection around the fabric. How would it look if this was a performance? With the model trapped under the plastic and the video being projected onto her and she shifts, trying to escape. I could also cover a person in the thinner plastic and try shrink wrapping them. I need to be carful of burning them with theft plastic, ill need to try this on my hand or foot first. What if I remove the model and project onto a kinetic sculpture.In a gallery space would this be on a timer, so that at a certain time everything the fans turn on as the video plays and the set shrinks in on itself as the video plays. How can I simulate that at home? I need to find a wall as blank as possible (could put some large plain paper down because that as close as I can get in current circumstances...) and set up the plastic, figure out what the best distance is for the heater (to shrink the material but not too fast) and project onto it. I could also wrap the shrink wrap around my clothes hanging rack and line it up with a white wall being it, How much imagery would get through? How much would be distorted? Is this distortion good or bad? Does it still convey the movements and words whilst emphasising a (previously lacking) anonymity? How would these factors change when the material is heated? Im exited to see which of these has a successful outcome!!  

When deciding which video to experiment projecting with, I thought what will be the main focus of the piece? No longer the imagery but the movement, the sound. So I thought the clear choice was the expressive emotive movements and the exchange between a person and the personification of abstract nouns video: The voice in your head. 

To me, the sculptural piece looks like a mind being explored and inhabited by others. Could this represent the many selves? I like how the expressive movements are still impactful and suggestively visible. How the light scatters whilst maintaining structure. I think it’s effective that the subject feels more anonymous. The ambiguity actually makes the imagery better, it disassociates the video towards any individual. I like the movement of the process but have thought from this experimental structure that it might not matter if this is a time-set performance piece but actually sculptural/ video outcome. I like the idea of the open mind, the way the lights scatter the imagery, abstracting it, but keeping the tone of the piece and bringing the viewers attention to the spoken words. There’s the idea of the cold isolation (it looks like an ice burg) but also a feeling of a collective. This makes me think of the human battle of feeling alone in a crowd. Mentally isolated and physically immersed in life. I like how due to the random organic shape of the plastic, the imagery does stick out on the edges to give the suggestion of the person but it has been censored by the sculpture which opens up its viewers. it also looks like an unnatural human habitat which makes me think of discovery and human exploration which is an interesting side note. I get this inner thought of the mind studying itself, looping on a cycle. watching and being watched. I also found that there wasn’t as much change in shape and size as I would have hoped at the start and end of the shrinking process, so is wasn't is impactful as I hoped (I had to speed up the video to even really show the process). I also found that the further away the projector the more clear imagery can be seen, I prefer the more abstracted imagery so kept the projector at a distance that just over-covered the sculpture to have suggestive imagery poking out the edges. 

I didn't enjoy the initial projections. They were boring and think and thin layers had the same (lack of) effect. But I notice something interesting happing between the sheets so placed a large white page on the ground below where I have the shrink wrap hanging and recorded the light from above. I loved these outcomes and thought the video and photographs from this were really interesting. I noticed there’s something really beautiful that happens when they are displayed as a collective. (I prefer the imagery where the details are still clear, so I think the image with 25 in a cube is the most effective). The defined edges and ordered lines make me think of conformity and restriction. The aspects of the shifting light and dark make me think of a duality. But a main association I make with the imagery is with damaged film. There’s this sadness, a darkness, but also light and a feeling of nostalgia. I think these are interesting pieces but are not completely on theme with my project, so I won’t progress further with this imagery but will add is to my digital outcomes:) 

Bearing in mind everything I said in my reflections, I think that for my final piece i'll make a sculptural video instillation. By melting bundled plastic to form mini organic architectural structures, creating a larger brain-like structure. I'll then place the people around this structure allowing their exploration of it, having them holding up the projector also (that needs to be situated relatively close to the piece). I'll then allow the continuous interaction between the two, and record and photograph this. 

I think the suspension/ stand should mimic the aesthetic and therefore the tone of the sculpture, hence why I was to use these figures. However after thinking more deeply about what impression this would give the viewer I thought it could give this idea of the mind studying itself. (which I think is a pretty amazing thing to think about). It gives me the idea of being trapped and the need for human freedom. Being within and without. Trapped inside the mind? desperate the escape and project the inside content onto its exterior for the world to see. 

The aim of my project was to examine the duality of the mind and body, exploring the relationship between the physical and abstract selves. I didn’t find my initial outcomes visually effective, but those experimental pieces lead me to look into a method of transferring pattern, and I discovered the shrink wrapping process. This lead me down a path of inquiry towards themes of confinement and entrapment. This was an interesting anchor point when considering my concept and thought it was very relevant to today’s world. I started looking into mental reactions to enclosure, like claustrophobia and latex and plastic fetishes. I found an interesting relationship between light and plastic, there’s something so beautiful about the way the physical, tangible material is able to manipulate the intangible light and distort it into interesting ambiguities. There’s something submissive and raw about the skin to plastic interaction that lead me to write a narrative between a person in a submissive relationship talking to the personification of abstract nouns. I used heat to melt and contort the plastic to form mini organic architectural structures, creating a larger brain-like structure. The brain is exposed and being explored by monochrome anonymous people, who are also holding up the projector. It makes me think of the confinement and the human need for freedom, the mind trapped within itself. Desperate toescape and project the inside content onto its exterior.

I am living with two friend’s as my family is trapped abroad so haven’t had access to models, studio settings, printing, or sufficient supplies. I have had to get a job working from home which has taken time away from my protect. I learnt from initial mistakes to go into my research in depth rather than breadth, and have learnt that spoken word helps guide me creatively. I’ve also experimented for the first time with sculpture which I intend to continue playing with. Conceptually I’ve realised that looking into the potential psychological reaction to my imagery is a huge factor in my research, alongside the physical science of the piece. I loved the abstract imagery I made through digital manipulation that felt off theme and want to explore this in my further learning. I have had to buy the Adobe student bundle to edit videos and am going to spend summer learning to use the other editing software systems. ‘